188 posts tagged “funny”
You're seeing this silly crocodile for no other reason than this is my Blog and I decided to put him here. LOL. Isn't he cute?
Which do you think are true or false? Keep score and check at the end!
1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop even your heart!
6. Only seven ( 7 ) per cent of the population are lefties.
7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
8. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 yrs. old.
9. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
18. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE TRUE!
Only a foolish man, with tremendous time on his hands, would wait for the perfect opportunity to build this little creation atop his beloved sleeping cat. Now...how do you suppose this loving kitty is going to react when he wakes up?? Sure hope he doesn't have a heart attack. Actually, he might have a "man attack" when it finally registers on him that his beloved human is laughing AT him. Grrrrrrrrrrr!!
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a resounding noise came from outside...
The woman, sort of bewildered, jumps up from the bed and yells at the man:
"Darn, that must be my husband!"
So the guy quickly got out of bed, scared and naked. He jumped out the window like a crazy man, smashed himself on the ground, went through a thorn bush, then he stood up and started to run fast to his car.
Just a few minutes later he returns and tells the woman:
"I'm your husband!"
So the woman answers:
"Oh, yeah? Then why were you running?!!"
HATE TO INTRUDE . . . Yaakov Kanelsky shows the window in his Brooklyn apartment where an alleged burglar begged for the wallet he'd dropped inside.
Posted: 3:43 am
July 14, 2008
A hapless burglar who swiped more than $200 from a Brooklyn apartment was back within moments begging to return the stolen cash - in exchange for the wallet he left behind.
Victor Marin, 20, broke into the 40th Street building in Borough Park last Thursday and made off with the money, but left his billfold - complete with his identification - on the victim's bed, according to police sources.
The bewildered victim, Yaakov Kanelsky, 49, arrived home from a shopping trip around 1:30 p.m. to see the accused thief at his first-floor kitchen window.
"There was someone knocking on my window, and I asked him, 'What do you want? Why are you here?' And he said, he told me, 'I left my wallet inside your house,' " Kanelsky told The Post.
"Why were you inside my house?" a perplexed Kanelsky asked.
"He told me he needed to use the bathroom."
When Kanelsky asked the next logical question - why the intruder needed to use a bathroom in someone else's home - Marin allegedly replied, "It doesn't matter. I need my wallet. I forgot my wallet. It's in your bedroom."
Kanelsky, a retired rabbi who is originally from Israel, called 911 while Marin allegedly ran from the kitchen window to the apartment's front door.
"If you give me my wallet, I'll give you back your money," the intruder hollered through the door.
"What money?" asked Kanelsky. "I didn't even know any money was missing."
The absent-minded burglar flashed a wad of bills through the peephole.
A quick check of the bedroom confirmed that Kanelsky's cash - $93 in singles and $125 in larger bills - was missing from his dresser.
Instead, the victim found a wallet filled with credit cards, photos and cash - and a pair of sunglasses.
So Kanelsky told the man on the other side of the door to return his cash, which he promptly did, sliding the $125 under the door.
But the $93 wad of singles was too bulky to push under the door, so Marin allegedly began stuffing the bills little by little through the small crack. That's when the cops showed up.
Marin was quickly picked up in a nearby yard and charged with burglary, petty larceny and possession of stolen property.
Kanelsky said he believed the thief had entered via the kitchen window - which he had habitually left open since he moved into the apartment seven years ago.
"I just thought this whole thing was crazy," said Kanelsky.
The police instructor is writing about the student cop who is writing up a report on a student driver who is freaked by the driving instructor's pen on paper. I'm not sure, but I think this poor driving student is going to receive copies of reports that will be about a foot in height!!!! Every last detail has to be noted. Poor guy. Of all the cops out there on the road, he has to be pulled over by one who knows that he is being evaluated for his evaluation of the driver!! He'll be wracking his brain for ANYTHING. Wow. I sure hope the Driving School pays for this student's bundle of tickets!!!
What was the best thing about your weekend?
We had a weekend?? It's gone already?!? Dang it! I wasn't feeling well on Friday, but went to bed a few hours into Saturday. I'm just getting up now.....Monday at about 11pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And since I live alone, no one was here to even notice. So the best thing about my weekend (if I believe we actually had a weekend and you're not all going to jump out and shout, "April Fools!!!". Lol)....well....I guess it would have to be that I wasn't rooting through my cupboards for those two days, looking for something to munch on while being on the computer. I think I lost about 10 pounds! Are you sure we had a weekend this week? It's not nice to fool a naively deranged woman! Hey, I know the good thing.....I obviously have a large bladder and a small stomach. Yay!!!!!!!!!
Not only is it BIG, but he's TOUCHING it! Get the kids out of the room. The weatherman is getting ready to spew.....ummmm, wisdom, that is. And it even says "FutureCast" on the screen. He's getting ready for some hot and heavy atmospheric conditions pretty soon! Did you get the kids out of the room yet??
A fun video with many, many faces you will recognize....each person "pretending" to sing one line of the song. Just look at the list below and see what person is singing or playing a line. Those are also the lyrics to the song in the correct order. Very cute idea.
A thread on Yahoo Answers kicked off an attempt to list everyone in the separate shots in the video but still missed lots of people and places. Here's the most current list on the net of all identified participants so far, which includes many additions from other sources, and the lyric associated with their shot:
001. Larry Tong at baseball field "I'm through with standing in line/to clubs I'll never get in"
002. Lindsey Shaw at Chicago's Cloud Gate "It's like the bottom of the ninth"
003. unknown guy in front of the Flatiron Building in NYC "and I'm never gonna win"
004. Cindy Taylor on pool float "this life hasn't turned out"
005. Old Lady in front of St. Paul's cathedral on Millennium Bridge in London "Quite the way I want it to be"
006. Billy Gibbons of ZZ top "Tell me what you want" (voiceover)
007. Wayne Gretzky "I want a brand-new house"
008. Three girls in Times Square "on an episode of Cribs"
009. Kendra Wilkinson in front of Playboy Mansion "and a bathroom I can play baseball in"
010. NYC policeman "and a king size tub"
011. Gene Simmons of KISS in front of his wall of gold and platinum records "big enough for ten"
012. Paul Wall "plus me"
013. Billy Gibbons again "Yeah, so whatcha need" (voiceover)
014. Female Park Ranger in front of Chicago's Jay Pritzker Pavilion at Millennium Park "I need uh, a credit card"
015. Dominique Swain in tub "that's got no limit"
016. 3 guys at Checkpoint Charlie in Berlin "and a big black jet"
017. Twista riding in a limo "with a bedroom in it"
018. Unknown man in Grand Central Station "gonna join the mile-high club"
019. Holly Madison in the Playboy Mansion grotto "at 37,000 feet"
020. Model Alessandra Ambrosio (as Billy Gibbons voices over "been there, done that")
021. Unknown street musician in Union Square in New York City "I want a new tour bus"
022. Unknown street performers in Union Square "full of old guitars"
023. Three unknown girls on the bank of Chicago River, in front of Marina City "my own star on Hollywood Boulevard"
024. Gene Simmons again "somewhere between Cher"
025. Paul Teutul, Sr. of Orange County Choppers "and James Dean is fine for me"
026. Billy Gibbons again "So how you gonna do it?" (voiceover)
027. John Rich on pool table with a banjo "I'm gonna trade this life"
028. Unknown woman in Union Square "for fortune and fame"
029. UFC wrestler Chuck "Iceman" Lidell "I'll even cut my hair"
030. Unknown man in Chinese restaurant "and change my name"
031. Two Daisy Duke wannabees at City Market, Raleigh, NC "'cause we all just wanna be"
032. Group of kids in front of Sydney Harbour Bridge "big rock stars"
033. Wayne Gretzky again "and live in hill-top houses"
034. Parking valet at Jones' Hollywood "driving fifteen cars"
035. British man in front of Houses of Parliament "the girls come easy and the (drugs) come cheap"
036. Daisy Marie in bikini "we'll all stay skinny"
037. Kid Rock "cause we just won't eat/and we'll"
038. Twista again "hang out in the coolest bars"
039. Blake Lively in Grand Central Station "in the VIP"
040. Eliza Dushku "with the movie stars"
041. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. "every good gold digger's"
042. Taryn Manning "gonna wind up there"
043. Paul Wall again "every Playboy bunny"
044. Two girls in the middle of Davie St. in Downtown Vancouver "with her bleach-blond hair"
045. Jerry Cantrell look-alike under Chicago's El tracks in front of The Double Door in Chicago "and we'll / hey, hey"
046. Liam Lynch in Union Square "I wanna be a"
047. Nelly Furtado on tour bus "rock star"
048. Unknown man in front of a highway
049. Unknown man in Union Square
050. Heather and Cathy (Unknown) in Grand Central Station "hey"
051. Chuck Liddell with unknown guy in headlock "hey"
052. Unknown kid in grocery store "I wanna be a rock star"
053. Paul Teutul, Jr., Paul Teutul, Sr., and Mikey from Orange County Choppers
054. Unknown man in front of Marina City in Chicago "I wanna be great like Elvis"
055. Elvis impersonator "without the tassles"
056. Federico Castelluccio from The Sopranos "hire eight bodyguards"
057. Chuck Liddell again "who love to beat up (a**holes)"
058. Grant Hill signing basketball "sign a couple autographs so I can"
059. Unknown man in Union Square "eat my meals for free"
060. Billy Gibbons again "I'll have the quesadilla" (voiceover)
061. Paul Wall again
062. Same-sex couple on Davie St. in Downtown Vancouver "I'm gonna dress my (a**)"
063. Ted Nugent "with the latest fashion"
064. Bam Margera look-a-like & unknown woman in front of the Cloud Gate again "get a front-door key"
065. Holly Madison, Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson "to the Playboy mansion"
066. Unknown guy in front of the Flatiron Building in NYC "Gonna date a centerfold"
067. two unknown guys in Washington Square Park "that loves to blow my money for me"
068. Billy Gibbons again "So how you gonna do it" (voiceover)
069. The Teutuls again "I'm gonna trade this life"
070. Unknown couple in front of the Reichstag building in Berlin "for fortune and fame"
071. Jordan Carlos overlooking Los Angeles "I'd even cut my hair"
072. Unknown man on Broad Street and Wall Street in front of NYSE "and change my name"
073. Unknown Man on bench "'cause we all just wanna be"
074. Lupe Fiasco on table "big rockstars"
075. Unknown woman in front of Brandenburg Gate in Berlin, Germany "and live in hill-top houses"
076. Unknown woman in front of the Chicago Theater "driving fifteen cars"
077. Two unknown girls on beach "the girls come easy"
078. Taryn Manning again "and the (drugs) come cheap"
079. Eliza Dushku by pool "we'll all stay skinny"
080. Unknown woman in front of Sydney Harbour Bridge "'cause we just won't eat"
081. Sharon McNally and two unknown girls "and we'll hang out in the coolest bars"
082. Gene Simmons again "in the VIP"
083. Dominique Swain again "with the movie stars"
084. Lupe Fiasco again "every good gold-digger's"
085. Chuck Liddell again "gonna wind up there"
086. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. again "every Playboy bunny"
087. Two young girls in Times Square "with her bleach-blond hair"
088. Unknown man in front of Beverly Hills High School "and we'll hide out in the private rooms"
089. Eliza Dushku again "with the latest dictionary"
090. Federico Castelluccio again "of today's who's who"
091. Riki Lindhome at the beach "they'll get you anything with that evil smile"
092. Kid Rock again "everybody's got a (drug dealer) on speed dial, well"
093. Steel worker "hey, hey I wanna be a rock star"
094. John Rich again, smashing guitar
095. Three unknown girls on Davie St. in Downtown Vancouver "I'm gonna sings those songs that offend the censors"
096. Te'DeVan Kurzweil in Union Square "gonna pop my (pills) from a Pez dispenser"
097. Lupe Fiasco again "get washed-up singers"
098. Chad Kroeger's son at a mixing control board "writing all my songs"
099. Victoria Beckham at Hollywood Hills "lip-synch 'em every night"
100. Unknown guy in yellow shirt City Market in Raleigh, NC "so I don't get 'em wrong"
101. Unknown kid on street corner in Chinatown, New York, NY "well we all just wanna be"
102. Unknown guy in front of The Big Acorn in Raleigh, NC "big rock stars"
103. Seven "Daisy Duke" wannabees at City Market, Raleigh, NC "and live in hill-top houses"
104. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. again "driving fifteen cars"
105. The Naked Cowboy in Times Square "the girls come easy and the (drugs) come cheap"
106. Unknown girl in bikini on beach "we'll all stay skinny"
107. Unknown kid in Times Square "'cause we just won't eat"
108. Cindy Taylor in a pool wet "and we'll hang out in the coolest bars"
109. Unknown girl in front of Chicago's Buckingham Fountain "in the VIP"
110. Grant Hill again "with the movie stars"
111. Jayson Woolley Union Square "every good gold digger's"
112. Ted Nugent again "gonna wind up there"
113. Holly Madison again "every Playboy"
114. Bridget Marquardt in pink bed "bunny with her bleach"
115. Kendra Wilkinson in front of Playboy Mansion again "blond hair, and we'll"
116. Kid in front of London's Tower Bridge "hide out in the private rooms"
117. Nelly Furtado again "with the latest dictionary of today's"
118. Two women in front of the Sydney Opera House and Sydney Harbour Bridge "who's who/they'll get you anything"
119. Kid Rock again "with that evil smile/everybody's"
120. Ted Nugent again "got a (drug dealer) on speed dial, well"
121. John Rich again "hey"
122. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. again "hey"
123. Street Worker in front of Marina City in Chicago "I wanna be a rock star"
124. Wayne Gretzky again, splashing pool with a hockey stick
125. Kendra Wilkinson again
126. Nelly Furtado again "hey"
127. Gene Simmons again "hey"
128. Nickelback fans at Hershey, PA concert singing "I wanna be a rockstar" / pan to Chad Kroeger / pan to Mike Kroeger and Ryan Peake
Show us why you get up in the morning.
Submitted by David.
Well, isn't it obvious why I get up in the morning? I have to make sure my toilet paper roll doll hasn't run off during the night. In case of emergency, she (or rather, what is under her dress!) may be sorely needed.
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